30 Jul 14


Minority community vs majority community clashes, reported by the most politically correct correspondent in the world.

In other news, members belonging to a minority community went to war with members belonging to another minority community over a disputed piece of land that both claim is theirs. The two communities have accused each other of violating the bilateral ceasefire that had been brokered, but which was broken within hours of it coming into force. There were reports of large-scale destruction and killings. While one minority community accuses the other of indiscriminate bombings and genocide, the other minority community insists the bombings are in retaliation to the incessant rocket attacks by the first minority community. Leaders of the world community have urged the members of the two minority communities to come to the table and end the bloodshed, a plea the two minority communities have thus far ignored.

In other news, members belonging to a minority community were at the receiving end of suicide bombings leading to large-scale arson and rioting perpetrated by members belonging to another minority community in a country where the said minority communities comprise the majority community. The country, called Land of the Pure, has been on the boil lately because of internal violence and bloodshed. The animosity between the two minority communities, say the experts, goes back a thousand years when members of the first minority community ordained as the Caliph the son-in-law of the prophet revered by both minority communities, much to the ire of the second minority community.

In other news, the girls belonging to one minority community who had been kidnapped by members of another minority community have still not been rescued despite stringent efforts by the military and world-wide appeals including one by the First Lady of the United States of America. The kidnappers belong to a particular sect of the aforementioned minority community and consider Western education a sin. They have wreaked large-scale death and destruction in recent times in an effort to establish, in their words, a minority community state in a country where the first minority community is in majority.

In other news, members belonging to a minority community declared themselves as the Caliphate and established an iron grip on vast regions of the Middle-East inhabited by members of the same minority community, but one that sees as their Caliph the cousin of the Prophet revered by both communities. The dawn of the Caliphate is sudden but not unexpected and heralds an era of permanent instability in a region ravaged by war and despotism, brought in large measure by unremitting Western interference. With American presence all but gone in a country it had invaded a decade ago, the self-appointed Caliphate is set to increase its hold and presence in the region.

In other news, a video showing a minority ethnic community went viral last week, prompting outrage and concerns whether this was a repeat of the 1991 instance when four police officers belonging to a majority ethnic community beat up a man belonging to a minority ethnic community. That horrific assault, seen on video by millions around the world, was nonetheless considered insufficient evidence by the court that ordered acquittal of the four police officers, leading to unprecedented rioting in the City of the Angels.

In other news, a journalist belonging to a majority community had to delete his tweets in which he commented upon the rapidly deteriorating situation resulting from members of two minority communities coming to blows over a plot of land. The deleted tweets were part of a series of tweets in which he was expressing his deep frustrations at what he thought was intelligence failure by the state authorities. He further expressed his outrage that while the tension had been simmering for long, the authorities simply let members of one minority community assemble at the disputed area and indulge in rioting. He condemned what he called “secular silence” and said that it was as dangerous as “communal violence”. There was outrage amid speculation that his bosses had weighed-in on him to delete the tweets. Not true. He deleted the tweets for reasons of his own, one of which could be the delayed realisation that he had committed the sin of not addressing members of the minority community as “members of the minority community”.

The said journalist may also receive the ire of the Press Council of India that advocates strict adherence to its published code of conduct regarding communal riots that calls for the media in communal situations like the Gujarat riots to be “peacemakers and not abettors, to be trouble-shooters and not troublemakers”. It commands that news, views or comments relating to communal or religious clashes should be published after proper verification of facts and presented with due caution and restraint in a manner which is conducive to the creation of an atmosphere congenial to communal harmony, amity and peace. True to call, most Indian newspapers in presenting their coverage of the recent communal strife described the minority communities as minority communities. Not so the journalist belonging to the majority community who incidentally has done 6 para-jumps and completed 4 half-marathons and is seen by a particular faction of the wider community as the keeper of the non-pseudo-secular flame. Notwithstanding, he was castigated by senior members of the journalist community as having misplaced his moral compass. The moral compass, it may be noted, is always carried on person by every member of the Indian journalist community and has guided its owners despite the tyranny of distance encountered during reporting of communal flare-ups. Hence the lament.

In other news, a young boy belonging to an ethnic minority community hailing from a country where such a community is the majority community, was arrested and questioned by the Delhi Police regarding an incident that transpired on the plane carrying the said young boy from Frankfurt to New Delhi. “Ich habe nur einen klick fotos von den unten szenen”, or “I was only clicking photos of the scenes below”, said Torsten Fritz (name changed). “He committed an illegal act of photographing from inside an airplane”, countered the SHO Suresh Ahlawat (name changed). “In an era of Google Maps, this is intolerable. We have conveyed our displeasure to the Ministry of External Affairs”, said an official form the German consulate, refusing to be named.

In other news, members belonging to the majority community wished members belonging to the minority community on the occasion of the holy festival of Eid ul-Fitr .Chants of members-of-the majority-community-members-of-the-minority-community-bhai-bhai filled the air and there was much bonhomie.

In other news, Mars Rover, a vehicle designed and assembled by members of the world community broke the off-world driving record.It had landed on Mars in 2004 and has since travelled 25 miles. Its primary purpose is to detect and beam back images of any communal strife between the majority and minority Martian communities.

In other news, it is a silent night.


This article first appeared in newslaundry on Jul. 30, 2014.

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